  Links to local bands, groups & events: BALKAN SUNDAYS: The Revolution Cafe, SF https://www.facebook.com/balkanevenings/?fref=ts BERKELEY BALKAN BACCHANAL: The Starry Plough, Berkeley https://www.facebook.com/Berkeley-Balkan-Bacchanal-220704761339021/?fref=ts KAFANA BALKAN: Bay Area (venue changes) *in April they will have FANFARE CIOCARLIA! https://www.facebook.com/kafana.balkan/?fref=ts INSPECTOR GADJE (which has recently been featuring none other than... ISMAIL LUMANOVSKI!) https://www.facebook.com/inspectorgadje/?fref=ts FANFARE ZAMBALETA https://www.facebook.com/FanfareZambaleta/?fref=ts MWE https://www.facebook.com/mweSF/?fref=ts ENJOY!!!
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I haven't posted anything here since before moving back from Istanbul. It has been an intense experience for sure... culture shock from home is a weird feeling. But we have been very lucky to have wonderful friends and family to help us with our transition. And that isn't only with places to stay. When we returned, our good friend Danielle contacted us about performing as guests at the Northern California Renaissance Pleasure Faire and I was so excited! I love that setting and I was going to get to improvise several times per day which is super fun and easy. For various reasons I ended up learning quite a few of the group choreographies and started performing during every set by the final two weekends. It has been a long time since I felt that wonderful sensation of troupe-hood, too long. Learning from fellow dancers and then performing together, laughing together, sharing our joy of dance together. For the final weekend I learned a very meaningful choreography, The Moon Dance. This was like coming full circle for me because when I was 10 years old and first saw Aywah! Ethnic Dance Co. perform, it was Rosa Rojas' Moon Dance that really struck me in my core. The elegance and concentration, the power of balance. I performed it every set it was in that final weekend, relishing in the fulfillment of completing a personal dance goal, a dance cycle if you will. In addition to this, I made some amazing new friends who I can't wait to spend more time with, on and off the stage. Being included in Faire this year was another type of welcoming back home, back to where I feel comfortable being a professional Bellydancer and where I feel like I can grow so much as an artist through learning and collaboration. On that note, here are some pictures from various photographers at Faire:  Photo by Rosemary Guglielmelli, 2015.  Photo by Christopher Erickson, 2015.  Photo by Christopher Erickson, 2015.  Backstage ussie: Chantal, Sadira and Shanti, 2015.  Photo by Ed E. Powell, 2015. I am writing this for other women who are considering moving to Istanbul... this isn't intended for people who are just visiting, site-seeing and remaining a tourist.
A little about me: I am a 25 year-old woman with fair skin, blue eyes, a round face and brown hair. I am a mother. I am married. I am a belly dancer (“oryantal” dancer). I am an English teacher. I am interested in history and politics. I am a sensitive person. If you can relate to any of these things, keep reading! I have a summarized (and very generalized) version and a lengthy in-depth version. I hope it’s helpful! *I’ll put some links at the end for various things (good ESL lesson websites, dance teachers, good music venues, residency permit, etc.)* SHORT VERSION If you look foreign, expect a LOT of attention. If you look Eastern-European, expect a lot of hopeful Turkish men asking if you are Russian. Yes they are complimenting your looks… they might also be implying that you could be a prostitute. If you are a mother, expect to find a personal balance with your boundaries with complete strangers. Also, you will probably experience two different cities, one where you are in public with your child or family and one where you are alone… the treatment you get can vary greatly. If you are married, expect a lot of question about your husband/partner and emphasize how happy you are. If you are a professional belly dancer (or are planning to come here to study dance), don’t share your profession with everyone because they may judge you in a negative way and bring LOTS of money for lessons because they are not very affordable. If you plan to teach English, join the groups on Facebook where people have posted their opinions on the many different language schools. Don’t expect more than 20 LIRA/hour when you start (this doesn’t include actual schools, just language-focused schools. Jobs are incredibly easy to get but don’t pay well and often the books are not good quality. Luckily there are endless online resources for ESL teachers. My reason for putting that I’m sensitive can’t be summarized… read the final section below. LONG VERSION Beginning with the exterior… I received a lot of attention for my looks. Because of my blue eyes and round face men were constantly asking (sometimes under their breath, other times shouting down the street) if I was Russian. At first, when asked in seemingly honest ways, I answered, “No, but my grandfather was polish.” I was just trying to make them feel like they weren’t so off by guessing that I was Russian. Then I noticed that there was this sly grin and hungry curiosity in their eyes when they would ask and I understood that being Russian is not a casual question. Here, the name “Natasha” is actually synonymous with prostitute. As in, “I’m going to get a Natasha tonight.” So, once I learned about that, the question became quite irritating. There were times that I was just honestly complimented on my eyes, by old ladies mostly. Or this one young man at the market who is trying to learn English. But, unfortunately, I must say that my different physical appearance mostly got me unwanted sexual attention. My personal dress-code (which I wore almost every day): jeans, stretchy shirt that is form-fitting but not a low neck-line, boots in winter, converse all-stars or sandals in spring and summer. Very little make-up. The only time I deviated from this and wore a cute dress or high-heel boots was when I knew for certain that I would be accompanied by my husband or a male friend. This wasn’t that different from my regular attire in the United States, in the winter.. but as summer fell upon us it became an issue. I felt so uncomfortable whenever I went out in a dress. I was confused because I would see other young women, especially in the more touristic neighborhoods like Taksim, who were wearing super sexy dresses and tons of women wearing short skirts and high-heels everyday, but then I would look around and see the reactions they were getting. It was far worse than anything I’d experienced. Old women glaring or looking shocked, men staring at their legs or breasts and nudging their friends to look; all of it was incredibly blatant. Some days I would just say screw it and go out in a casual dress anyway, but by the end of my walk I was always grateful to be getting home and away from peoples eyes. Being a foreign mother in Istanbul was both stressful and fun. I think the stress mostly had to do with the fact that it’s a very busy and dirty city, the streets are all uneven and the drivers are horrifying. Traffic and pedestrian rules do not apply. In the winter, old women would come up and start going off about my daughter not being warm enough (which, of course, she always was) and then in the summer people would stare, offended, if they caught a glimpse of her diaper (as if a babies diaper is the same as a woman’s black lace panties). Fun aspects of being the mother of a young girl here was that people adored her and would always give her gifts or sweets. I often felt a little better going out with her because then people would give me a little more respect as a mother. Sometimes she would get annoyed when complete strangers would start pinching her cheeks (affectionately) or even try to pick her up or take her hand. Obviously I wouldn't let them unless it was someone I knew and trusted. It all depended on the scenario and person, but my husband told quite a few men to back off because they were making her and us uncomfortable. I understand that this is a cultural difference and have experienced something similar in Asia. I could also see that my daughter would be frustrated or angry about the attention. It was interesting to get her read on people. Usually, she wouldn’t want to connect or talk with people. Then, there would be one special person who she would just start jabbering to in mixed English and Turkish. I loved when people would try to teach her Turkish and show her new words for foods or objects. It always feels cool to have your child learn more than one language. I definitely feel like attitudes would change once people knew I was married, especially if I talked him up a bit (proving that I’m not just with a guy, but that I am happily married… a friend of mine told me to emphasize this point). Turks seemed very interested in what my husband did for a living and were pleasantly surprised when I told them that he played violin, traditional Turkish style even. Many of my students wanted to hear it and know when his band would be playing. It made me happy that, even in a time of growing conservatism, the people always love their music. And to have a yabanci (foreigner) playing it seemed even cooler! I didn’t go into detail about the various styles that he can play because I preferred to keep it positive and I wasn’t sure if saying he also loves Greek and Bulgarian music would go over as well since I know that Turkey's relationship with those two countries has always been a little rocky and for some the hateful disposition might still exist. TIP: I’ve heard of many women wearing a wedding ring even if they aren’t married, just to minimize the amount of attention they get. My identity as a professional bellydance artist was not like my husbands as a musician. I have never had peoples respect for me be so quickly thrown out the window in a matter of seconds after saying, “I dance Oryantal.” I learned quickly to never tell my male students this, since they would never look at me the same. I learned quickly to expect disgusting emails and text messages when I would post on craigslist that I was available to teach lessons (though it did also get me some great dance students, so it was worth it!). I once woke up to a text saying that I was so hot, they wanted to sop me up with a biscuit. Yes, from a complete stranger. The longer I lived here, the less I even desired to try and dance at a public venue. I am not naive… I know that in the United States there were plenty of men who would see me dance and have a few dirty thoughts cross their minds. But here, the sexual tension is so high, there is so much confusion about what is “right” and “wrong” and what it “attainable” and “desirable”… I didn’t even want to step into the light of desire since I felt like I already experienced too much just walking down the street! As for taking lessons, I couldn’t afford it! If that is your reason for coming here than bring lots of money set aside for just that. I was given prices around 60 EURO per hour… that’s pretty even with dollars these days, but a LOT of Lira (essentially, triple it). Since we didn’t come with a lot of money saved up and I was instantly working and getting paid in LIRA, that price was just too high for me. But there are lot’s of incredible teachers of different styles, so it’s just up to you and what you can spend. Before coming to Istanbul I got my TEFL certification online. No one who hired me ever asked to see proof of it (damn, that was a waste of money!) but it’s still good to have. They all just asked if I had a degree and had taught before. Whether or not that is true for you, just say “Yes” and “Yes.” They are usually just so glad to have a native speaker because it makes their business much more appealing to potential students. Some schools offer books for your class and those books are usually not for American English, but rather British English, so their may come times when you’re asking yourself, “How can I not answer this question?!” and it’s usually because they used some weird British word we’ve never heard. Try your best, but also really push for classes that are right for you… if you don’t speak any Turkish yet, don’t try to teach a bunch of children who only know how to stay “Hello, how are you.” They need someone who can translate for them. The best are the more advanced students who want to work on conversational English. Try to get as many private lessons as possible! Just post on craigslist like everyone else and check out what the going rate is from other teachers. I would say don’t take less than 50 LIRA per hour and try for more. For privates, always meet them in a public place first for a little get-to-know-your-level meeting and you will hopefully be able to see if they are a creep or not. I had one student who I met with and we even had our lessons at my house with my husband in the other room, but he made a few flirtatious jokes and it got uncomfortable. So, I think that the initial meeting is very important and will hopefully weed out the weirdos. If they are really a creep they probably just wont show up, so that’s good! Once I started teaching regular classes, many different topics of conversation would come up. It just so happened that I was in Istanbul during an election and politics were on everyone’s mind and therefor on the table to talk about. I was very cautious about what I would say to different students. My advise is, in a teacher-student situation at least, to let them give their opinion first because they may surprise you with some strange views. If they have views you don’t agree with, it may be something you two don’t talk about because there are old and deeply-rooted issues between Turks and… we’ll just say “non-Turks.” There are many prejudices about Kurds, Armenians and, now more than before, Syrians. There were other times when I was pleasantly surprised to hear a student openly say that they thought what happened to the Armenian’s was a genocide (most wont say it) or that they feel sorry for the Syrians (many would instead express disgust or frustration). I learned that the old issues are very difficult to discuss because they idolize Ataturk so much that they wont say that anything he did was wrong. They wont even talk about him in the past tense, they use the present tense for him because they say it’s like he can’t die. I am from California, where people walk around topless and hug trees to make a point. Obviously I wasn’t expecting that here, but I was still shocked by the normalcy of a somewhat closed mind about topics that in my opinion deserve some reflection or to be re-understood by Turks in general, since racism seems perfectly acceptable here. For example: I had a student who told me flat out that she didn't like black people. I asked, "ALL black people?" and she said yes. When I asked why she smiled and said, "I just dont!" I had a hard time with comments and attitudes like that. The reason I identified myself as a sensitive person is because the differences in Turkish culture really effected me emotionally. I was often frustrated or annoyed, mostly feeling stifled by the reality that going out alone was an unpleasant and definitely not relaxing experience. It didn’t feel like going outside to get some air, instead it felt suffocating to be out of my apartment. I know I’m not alone because I’ve seen other women write the same thing… feeling like they became hermits or closed off. Always putting on sunglasses and earbuds when they went out to block out everyone. My yearning to do the same thing made me sad because while there are a lot of annoying occurrences, there can also be really sweet interactions with wonderful people. And you miss those when you’re all closed off. The truth is that many foreign women feel like they cannot be themselves here in Istanbul… like they have to take away their genuine friendly disposition because it might come off as “too friendly” or make men think that they are available or want to be flirted with. This just isn’t fair and it isn’t fun. Some women seem to be able to handle it and just approach it in a less emotional way, a more practical “I should respect this other culture and adapt” way and that is fine! Great even! But if you are sensitive the way that I am, this degradation or giving up of self will take it’s toll. Overall my experience wasn’t the greatest, but it was incredibly educational. I made a few wonderful Turkish friends and a few from other lands as well! I hope that this will answer some questions for those who are interested in moving to Istanbul. LINKS FOR EXPATS Residency permit: Information http://turkey.usembassy.gov/residence_permit.html Appointment https://e-ikamet.goc.gov.tr/ Facebook Communities: Foreign Women of Istanbul Istanbul Expat Center Foreigners Living in Istanbul Istanbul Instructors Network Dance Teachers: Reyhan Tuzsuz Gigi Dilsah Gul Nihal Music Venues: Jurnal https://www.facebook.com/JurnalPub?fref=ts Arsen Lupen https://www.facebook.com/arsenlupenteras?fref=ts Leyla Teras https://www.facebook.com/pages/Leyla-Teras-Bar/105140482913984?fref=ts ESL Lessons and Worksheets: http://www.stickyball.net/esl-writing-exercises-and-activities.html http://www.englishforeveryone.org/Topics/Writing-Practice.htm http://www.eslgold.com/writing/topics.html http://www.perfect-english-grammar.com/ http://www.englishforeveryone.org/Topics/Reading-Comprehension.htm TEFL/TESOL: https://www.teflonline.net/tefl-testimonials/cheapest-tefl-certificate/ History and Interesting Articles: http://www.lonelyplanet.com/turkey/istanbul/history http://www.turkishculture.org/general-1067.htm http://www.thejournal.ie/readme/column-modern-turkey-is-torn-between-ataturks-legacy-and-erdogans-vision-942170-Jun2013/ http://edition.cnn.com/2015/05/07/world/cnnphotos-ataturk-portraits/ http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/aug/11/turkish-kurds-who-want-peace-but-not-at-any-price http://www.turkishclass.com/turkey/essay/admin/turkish-body-language-p1 Turkish News Sites: http://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/ http://www.todayszaman.com/home http://www.dailysabah.com/ http://www.turkishpress.com/ http://www.goodmorningturkey.com/  With just one week left in this epic city, I'm starting to feel the way I used to at the end of one my long trips to Asia. I keep thinking about things I want to do back in California. The first things that come to mind are... SUPER TACOS from Cancun in The Mission, hanging out with one of my best friends and mother comrades Lauren and our daughters playing together, listening to my man and our good friend Lars jam for hours and I can't wait to eat many things from Trader Joe's (chocolate oranges, BACON, Semifreddi's cinnamon swirl bread to name a few). There are things that I have longed for specifically because things are so different here in Istanbul... I am excited to take a walk in the summer heat wearing a dress and not feel completely stared at and surveyed because of my attire. I am excited to go out and not be overwhelmed by the amount of cigarette smoke masked by dreadful amounts of bad cologne. I look forward to, at least usually, being given the same respect as my husband. I think my daughter will enjoy going out without getting her hair tousled, cheeks pinched and being spoken to by complete strangers as she is, usually, very resistant to that behavior. There will be things that I miss... Our beautiful and spacious apartment. My dance space with an enormous mirror. Our lovely market down the street that has amazing produce and very friendly workers. The sweets and cookies that have become my favorites (i.e. Karam Gurme!). Watching, from the back balcony, as all the women and wives on my block hang up their laundry. Part of me will miss walking around and not understanding anything I hear since it sort of alleviates any responsibility and feels like floating (but another part of me misses feeling competent in society!). I will miss the beautiful ezan (call to prayer) that we hear from several mosques around our apartment. I have made a few friends here and they have provided great relief by way of listening and giving their perspectives on Turkey and Istanbul, especially when I've been frustrated or confused. There are things I have realized I took for granted while still in California that I will try to be more proactive about... The incredible magnitude of affordable dance classes! I am intent on starting to take from a few dancers who I have admired up close and from afar (Zoe Jakes, Kami Liddle, Andrea Sendek) and also taking with Miriam Peretz again when she is in the area. My wonderful girlfriends from my hometown! They have been such great, helpful and supportive friends, but it has been years since I have spent time with them in a consistent way. Performance opportunities! After this trip which included only ONE performance, I am set on becoming an active performance artist and I have much more appreciation for the venues, bands and other dancers that I know in The Bay and other parts of California. My plan for this final week here isn't very exciting since I don't like going out too much now, especially since the attack on the American Consulate. I mean, I'm not going around wearing an American Flag, but people can tell that we aren't Turkish. Our friends are having a barbecue this weekend and I might go to see my man play his last show with the band he's been working with here, Duma Duma Orkestra. I'm going to try and utilize my lovely dance space to make a few more improvisational videos because that has been so much fun for reflection and to share with friends. We have a few more logistical things to get done (I have a list of course, almost everything is checked off). I have a few bags of things to donate to a school for Syrian refugees. I've been a little bored staying inside most days but it's still been too hot for me out there! I make and eat a ridiculous amount of crepes and, watch nostalgic shows like F.R.I.E.N.D.S., try to line things up for our return and play with my daughter a lot. I've been so into taking photos (mostly of my daughter) and I hope that one day I can get a good digital camera. Here's a few of my recent favorites and a dance video. Enjoy!       This blog's whole premise and purpose will be coming to an end soon! Because of the shift of the political and social climate here in Turkey, we have decided to move back to California. We discussed it and feel that even without the current issues, it really isn't the optimal place to raise our daughter. There is barely any nature, a lot of deep racism and gender struggles here and also it is strange to have her lacking the connection with her family. Now that ISIL is Turkey's enemy and the government is using the entire situation to attack and persecute Kurdish people, I feel that it is going to get very volatile here. And I know enough from studying history that American's aren't the most welcome or celebrated in those circumstances. So we are going home. As I began to organize my things, starting to pack away what I don't use here I got into my costume collection laid them all out... I felt such a mix of emotions. First I felt a fool, for bringing all of this with me and using just one costume and only once. I felt embarrassed looking at this pile of stuff that partly represents me, at least how I define myself: a dancer. A professional dancer even! With all these beautiful costumes that I've either been given or, for the most part, spent hours and hours designing and sewing. All to create these visions of my art. Then I went through the reasons it hasn't been easy for me here, which are both cultural and personal. My experiences with so many interactions with Turkish men, the general attitude towards Oryantal dance the reaction I've gotten when I tell a Turk that I do that style of dance... all of these things have made me question doing it here at all. Then there are just my realities: I am a mother! I don't go out late very often because I have a two year old and she is my main focus in life! I still nurse her, I cuddle her to sleep and am there throughout the night to comfort her. I don't have extra money! My priority is food, rent and bills and everything comes after that. And here there are always things that come up and take any extra money we have. With those two realities, the thought of going out to see performances here, many of which cost quite a bit and are at night in a different part of town. Taking private lessons is incredibly expensive. My final emotion was inspiration and a deeper understanding of who I am now, how it affects my dancer self and dance life. To accept the new aspects (mostly being a mother) and just turn it into a strength. Though it can feel like a hurdle, I hope to transform it into a step up; an elevation. If it's any consolation, I was almost equally in awe of my packing job... here is ALL OF THAT, in my lovely costume bag. And I can tell you for certain, I'm going to do some major worrying over them making sure this luggage doesn't get lost.  For those who are interested, here are some articles about what's happening in Turkey.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/behlal-azkan/turkey-on-the-road-to-armageddon_b_7900004.html http://www.todayszaman.com/national_turkeys-main-opposition-accuses-erdogan-of-blocking-coalition-efforts_395390.html http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-33736027
My last post was written the day that my husband left and I was feeling proud of my confidence in being the only caregiver for my daughter for the 2 weeks that he would be gone. Now it's the final day... he returns tomorrow and I can't wait to see him and feel our complete household. It has been difficult and there have been moments when I thought I just wanted to go lay down in the dark and cool bedroom and have silence. There were also moments when I finally did have time to myself but I was so exhausted (and it was so humid) that I wouldn't dance like I had planned to. Instead I would watch Project Runway or some sort of competitive reality show like that. Sometimes I would work on my most recent costume, an assuit ensemble, bra and belt that I'm struggling a little bit with but still proud of. I think part of my frustration is that I am used to sewing something with a show in mind, or even the faintest feeling that it will grace a stage soon... but this one is bitter-sweet. It's definitely in the Tribal-Fusion genre and that isn't even a step towards what I would need to perform in Istanbul. From what I can tell, it's a very cabaret, push-up, sparkle glam fest. I'm not saying I wouldn't like a costume like that, technically I need one anyhow, but they are not what I create. So, as I sew, I can't but look at this costume and wonder, when will I actually use this?
Though I didn't practice as much as I hoped to, when I did my daughter was much better about it and we ended up making a little tradition of having a total crazy dance party together. She is making up such cool new moves, very balletic and powerful. She tries to move her hips and roll her belly and I feel a rush of happiness and smile so big. We really have created a sweet and talented little individual. On the family side of my life, it's been a painful time. My husband's dear uncle was suffering from lung cancer and he passed away a few days ago. He was an incredible man with an absolutely brilliant wit and I look back and can only find fun memories with him, full of laughter and storytelling. So much of me wishes we weren't so far away so that we could have seen him and also to be there with the family, especially for his beautiful daughters. I just want to hug them and be there for them to talk to. It also makes me feel lonely, all the way over here. Moments like this make you want that close family connection. It also inspires me to try and be closer with my own father, possibly even live closer to him... I think I wouldn't mind living a little more west from here. I haven't lived close to him since I was eight years old and I think it could be very healing for us. I haven't been having the best time here and now with the government and military involvement in fighting ISIL, I am actually nervous and slightly frightened. They have already threatened to attack Istanbul and while I hope that they are stopped as soon as possible, they have been so strong and spreading rapidly. I can't help but feel like we should either move or at least have an emergency back up plan for if things get dangerous here, especially for Americans. Just writing that paragraph above makes me feel so many things. Irresponsible, for one. A little stuck. Also like we've moved so many times that I seriously begin to wonder if we secretly enjoy it or something. Sometimes when we talk about it we say that we've had horrible luck, but that's only some of the scenarios. There's been a handful of times that we moved just because we wanted to or it was the logical thing to do. When we moved from Berkeley to Santa Cruz when I was pregnant that was to be closer to family and also so that my husband could work and we could have our own place... the bad luck was moving into an apartment where the upstairs neighbor was a prostitute (the landlord told us she was a massage therapist) who had clients coming by our place every day. That's just one of the examples of how we moved with good intentions but did have bad luck in the end. Being human, I suffer from the insecurities that bloom from pride. I want my decisions to lead to successful outcomes, and when they don't, my pride gets bruised or embarrassed. That sense of being seen as someone who can't make life really work. I know that it's not all about where one is... it's because mostly about determination and confidence. But here, in Istanbul, I feel my instincts kicking in. When it comes to dance I am unsure about my desire to perform, both because my style isn't very cabaret and the way that Turkish men tend to behave makes me speculate how that would affect me if I were performing. When it comes to work I feel passionless: teaching English is not my goal in life. When it comes to my family and most of all my daughter I feel like this isn't the safest places (or even on the list of safe places) and also may not have that many benefits for her. The education and healthcare seem fairly low when it comes to standards and there isn't much nature. I do enjoy seeing the way she interacts with a different culture, learning the language, knowing about prayer and seeing the beautiful mosques ("big and grand!" she says). For me, walking around this city can be somewhat meditative. Not being able to understand almost anything that I hear, seeing wonderful little aspects of Turkish culture, the epic old men, the beautiful hijabi-fashionista women, the delicious food. As someone who can't quite handle the level of heat and humidity I have spent many days inside and while I feel like my brain is melting, it also wanders... and really travels into the depths of the situation. I suppose, as I read the news more and more and keep up with other expats posts about current event, I just can't help but react in a way that is both protective and, apparently, habitual. I begin to look into new cities and countries. I can say that, whether or not we do stay here for a little longer or for a longer term, that this move has taught me so much. Now when I do look at other cities I have so many more specific questions instead of just the general. Now I look at it from all angles: how many parks are there, what are the schools like, how much does it cost to rent an apartment, what is the general wage, what is the attitude towards bellydance and music from different cultures... and the list goes on and on. I am grateful for this journey, even when I don't like it here, because it has made me mature in ways that only experience can do. I'm off for now! My wonderful man just returned home and I get to relax, go bake something delicious for him and watch him play with our happy daughter. I have the tendancy to get anxious... even about things that I trust. Every day little things get to me, whether it be money, what my daughter is doing, little signs of problems with health or work. And sometimes it's bigger things like, "What am I doing with my life?" and questions of that sort. So, when I found out that my husband would be away for two weeks, my immediate attitude was that of slight panic. We haven't been away from each other for that long since we first became an official couple almost 4 years ago! The moment I realized how much we've been together while together, I couldn't help but think that, even though we will certainly miss each other, this isn't a bad thing. I think that allowing some breath into a relationship is necessary and healthy, especially in situations like this where the reason has nothing to do with the two people, it's a work trip and it doesnt make sense for us to join him. I felt really proud of myself last night and this morning because in the past I would get intense anxiety when saying goodbye and I would begin going through everything that could possibly go wrong. But this time I didn't go there. Yes, two weeks being the only parent with our daughter will take a toll on me energetically, but that's not really a problem. She will just have a more low-key time while he's gone since I'm a bit more of a homebody and bringing her around this city isn't the easiest thing, at all. I also feel like this will be a good process for her and I, since she's learning so much... I really want her to get more used to being with me while I practice dance. She often tries to stop me and I would love it if she would watch or take part. Mostly, I really dont want to have to put a tv show or movie on for her whenever I want to dance. I hope that the next two weeks will be a growing time for us that way. Not just a level of independence on her part, because I don't like the idea of forcing that... more a level of respect and appreciation for my art and what makes me happy (aside from parenting her!). So tomorrow we will do some stretching together and then practice. Here's hoping!   My core bellydance teacher was Katarina Burda who used to dance with Jamila Salimpour's "Bal Anat" and then later created her own troupe called "Aywah!" Here are a few of my favorite videos of both groups. Enjoy! <3 Basic Cake Batter (to add whatever you want to!) preheat oven to 350°-375° and I have been using a pie pan or as cupcakes dry mix 1.5 cups flour 1 tsp baking soda .5 tsp salt wet mix 1 stick butter (softened) .5 cup sugar 2 eggs .5 cup yogurt combine wet and dry mixes and then... add what you want! flavors I've tried 1. lemon zest and juice of one lemon and after pouring the batter in, lay sliced starberries on top OR 2. mash in two large bananas and add crushed walnuts and/or chocolate chips OR 3. line the baking dish with crushed walnuts and sugar, pour batter on top and add thinly sliced summer fruit (I used nectarine) bake until browned and knife comes out clean! EAT      Just a little post for my new demo reel. I used an AWESOME song by Slavic Soul Party that I feel totally matches how much fun I have when performing. A big thank you to anyone who took video footage over the past few years whether they be a professional, my mother, my friends or strangers in the audience. Enjoy! :) |
